Funerals & Wakes
DURING THIS SEASON OF COVID PANDEMIC.
i WILL ONLY BE ABLE TO OFFER GRAVESIDE SERVICES. CATHOLIC AND/OR CHRISTIAN. A MASS OF REMEMBRANCE / CELEBDRATION OF LIFE CAN BE SCHEDULED AT A DETERMINED DATE AND TIME.
FAQ
Frequently Asked Questions about Funerals and Wakes
1. We do not regularly attend a Parish in the area, and we cannot find a Priest who will
preside at the funeral of our loved one. It is very important for us that our deceased
receive all of the benefits of the Church, and be given a holy burial. What can we do?
There are several options that are open to you. Most Roman Catholic parishes will require that
your deceased friend or relative have had at least some connection to them before their death,
(i.e., registered member). Some parishes will demand that the deceased have been a regular
attendee at Mass, received the sacraments regularly, and most tragically have been a regular
contributor to the Sunday collections. Even if your loved one does not meet those qualifications,
and if you are open to doing so, seek out a parish where you feel comfortable, meet with the
priest and explain that you would like to have your loved one buried from their church.
You may even ask the funeral director to intercede with the priest, since they may have a
working relationship with one another.
All Catholics who approach a Catholic priest for any sacrament, or help of any kind should be
welcomed and listened to with kindness. If you do not feel that you are being welcomed or
treated kindly by your local priest or parish, I assure you that I will treat you with kindness a
nd acceptance – nonjudgmental at Our Lady of Mercy Pastoral Center.
2. We are not practicing Catholics, or our deceased loved one was not Catholic,
will you do the funeral?
Your religious status, even that of your deceased, will not prevent me from assisting you in
this tragic time. It is an act of mercy to bury the dead. Your loved one deserves a celebration
of their life, and the prayers of all of God’s People as we commend them to His mercy and love.
Whether held at a mortuary, crypt, gravesite, park or private home, each service is a unique
honoring of each individual even blending cultures and spiritual beliefs.
We make no judgments as to your beliefs or lack of beliefs, race, creed, color
or sexual orientation.
3. How long does the typical ceremony last?
A funeral can run about 30-90 minutes, depending on the kind of rituals being celebrated,
or how you wish to personalize it. A funeral can involve a Vigil Service (Wake) the night before the
burial; a funeral Mass or Chapel service; and the rite of burial at the graveside (see other service
below). There is plenty of room for readings—Biblical and non-biblical—music. In addition,
you may include people who are special to you in roles such as a reading, music, or giving
a blessing or offering a short eulogy during the ceremony.
4. What is your stipend to officiate at the funeral, and what services does this include?
Ordinarily I receive $280 for a funeral.
A nominal fee will be added to cover travel outside of your area. This stipend or honorarium is inclusive
of:counseling survivors, all preparations for the ceremony, and officiating.
These services may vary based on the needs and desires of the family or survivors.
5. What is a “stipend”?
The stipend is merely intended to compensate for the time that I spend away from my family,
and to defray from the expenses I incur in planning, preparing and celebrating funeral liturgies.
Sacraments and sacramentals cannot be sold or bought. All of these are free gifts of grace
established by Christ for the salvation and holiness of those who receive them. Jesus alone
paid the price through His Suffering, Death and Resurrection. Nothing can ever truly
compensate for the cost of ministry, other than the blessings it bestows on the people I work with.
I want to make this very clear, this is not a fee for services rendered. This may sound like a
fine point, but this is very important. Above all else, this is the ministry that Christ gave to
me at my ordination, and so it is not, nor will it ever be a business.
6. What if this is more than I can afford?
Since this is a ministry, and we are discussing a tragic loss of a loved one, as well as the
funeral liturgy that will be offered for them, no person or family should ever feel that they
cannot call me simply because of the cost. If the offering listed above is beyond your means
please let me know, we’ll work something out. I will never turn you away because you
cannot afford the 'customary' offering.
What is most important to me is that you have God’s blessing at this difficult time in your life
and that you feel His love and peace in your hearts.
7. When do we pay you?
Unless we agree to another arrangement, the balance is due before the beginning
of the funeral liturgy.
8. Optional Gatherings and Services.
What is a committal service?
A committal service commends the body of the deceased to the gravesite, crypt
or columbarium niche, the ceremony may include prayer, poems or other special
readings that may be said at the grave at the conclusion of the funeral.
What is a graveside service?
A graveside service is a service held at the site of burial. In most cases,
the casket or urn is present. Friends and family gather for the service, a
eulogy may be delivered and the service is concluded with a committal.
What is a memorial service?
A memorial service is a service where there are no casketed remains, but in
some cases an urn may be present. Memorial services are usually held in the
funeral home or a sacred space (within the context of a Mass optional),
but can also be arranged at a location meaningful to the family, a home of
family member, a park, or at a place that meant something special for the deceased.
Is cremation an option for Catholics?
The Church permits funerals in the United States to have Masses with
cremated remains present in a "worthy vessel" placed on a table and must be
covered with a pall. Words said in a blessing or dismissal are changed from
"body" to "earthly remains."
For a Catholic funeral, does the body go to the church first?
The church prefers "that the body of the deceased be present for the funeral rites."
It stresses that the cremated remains are to be treated with respect and should be
either entombed or buried in a grave. We believe that scattering at sea,
from air or ground, or kept at home are not reverent disposition options.
It is in the Catholic tradition to have bodies buried in consecrated grounds.
9. Where’s Christ in all of this?
The Gospels testify that Jesus is the Way, the Truth, and the Life; and no one comes to the
Father except through Him. Our Lord proved through His Resurrection that death has no
more power, and that all who come to Him have life everlasting! Jesus did not come to save
the perfect, but to save sinners. Christ is our hope, the hope of the imperfect, for a life of
peace and joy without end.
Catholicism is larger than the institution that has evolved around it. Catholicism is more than its
corporate structure. It's more than the bishops – though we ought to respect them. It is more
than the Pope, though he has claim on our loving attention. It is more than the Vatican.
Popes, bishops, and priests may be the ones with legal title to the buildings, but they
are just people. They can be woefully mistaken, or even malfeasant, as just a glance at
recent headlines reminds us.
We are the Church -- you and I – we are the People of God. The Church is the Spirit of Christ
within the community of believers who support and nurture one another through prayer, the
sacraments, and charitable words and deeds. We seek to promote the growth of all people
in holiness of life. It is our journey together – and on that journey each one of us has the right
to feel welcomed at the Lord’s Table, where we recognize Him in the breaking of bread.
Each person has a right to receive God’s blessing in great moments of happiness and sadness –
at the loss of our loved ones, and at the hour of death.
Everyone has a right to receive help on the journey from those called to be helpers
and guides in the way of the Gospel. Isn't that what the priesthood is all about,
being a wise and helpful guide on the journey of the soul to God?
When the hierarchy loses its way – as it has from time to time throughout history – it is incumbent
on the rest of us to claim our rights and assume our responsibility as members of the Body of Christ.
If you are alienated from the institutional church, you need not be alienated from your Catholicism.
Our Lady of Mercy Pastoral Center and The American Catholic Church in the United States,
welcomes you in His name, the one who has never ceased loving you – not even
during the times when you felt farthest from Him.
Our Lady of Mercy Pastoral Center
Peace of Christ be with you always,
Fr. Frank J. O’Connell, Pastor
[email protected]
DURING THIS SEASON OF COVID PANDEMIC.
i WILL ONLY BE ABLE TO OFFER GRAVESIDE SERVICES. CATHOLIC AND/OR CHRISTIAN. A MASS OF REMEMBRANCE / CELEBDRATION OF LIFE CAN BE SCHEDULED AT A DETERMINED DATE AND TIME.
FAQ
Frequently Asked Questions about Funerals and Wakes
1. We do not regularly attend a Parish in the area, and we cannot find a Priest who will
preside at the funeral of our loved one. It is very important for us that our deceased
receive all of the benefits of the Church, and be given a holy burial. What can we do?
There are several options that are open to you. Most Roman Catholic parishes will require that
your deceased friend or relative have had at least some connection to them before their death,
(i.e., registered member). Some parishes will demand that the deceased have been a regular
attendee at Mass, received the sacraments regularly, and most tragically have been a regular
contributor to the Sunday collections. Even if your loved one does not meet those qualifications,
and if you are open to doing so, seek out a parish where you feel comfortable, meet with the
priest and explain that you would like to have your loved one buried from their church.
You may even ask the funeral director to intercede with the priest, since they may have a
working relationship with one another.
All Catholics who approach a Catholic priest for any sacrament, or help of any kind should be
welcomed and listened to with kindness. If you do not feel that you are being welcomed or
treated kindly by your local priest or parish, I assure you that I will treat you with kindness a
nd acceptance – nonjudgmental at Our Lady of Mercy Pastoral Center.
2. We are not practicing Catholics, or our deceased loved one was not Catholic,
will you do the funeral?
Your religious status, even that of your deceased, will not prevent me from assisting you in
this tragic time. It is an act of mercy to bury the dead. Your loved one deserves a celebration
of their life, and the prayers of all of God’s People as we commend them to His mercy and love.
Whether held at a mortuary, crypt, gravesite, park or private home, each service is a unique
honoring of each individual even blending cultures and spiritual beliefs.
We make no judgments as to your beliefs or lack of beliefs, race, creed, color
or sexual orientation.
3. How long does the typical ceremony last?
A funeral can run about 30-90 minutes, depending on the kind of rituals being celebrated,
or how you wish to personalize it. A funeral can involve a Vigil Service (Wake) the night before the
burial; a funeral Mass or Chapel service; and the rite of burial at the graveside (see other service
below). There is plenty of room for readings—Biblical and non-biblical—music. In addition,
you may include people who are special to you in roles such as a reading, music, or giving
a blessing or offering a short eulogy during the ceremony.
4. What is your stipend to officiate at the funeral, and what services does this include?
Ordinarily I receive $280 for a funeral.
A nominal fee will be added to cover travel outside of your area. This stipend or honorarium is inclusive
of:counseling survivors, all preparations for the ceremony, and officiating.
These services may vary based on the needs and desires of the family or survivors.
5. What is a “stipend”?
The stipend is merely intended to compensate for the time that I spend away from my family,
and to defray from the expenses I incur in planning, preparing and celebrating funeral liturgies.
Sacraments and sacramentals cannot be sold or bought. All of these are free gifts of grace
established by Christ for the salvation and holiness of those who receive them. Jesus alone
paid the price through His Suffering, Death and Resurrection. Nothing can ever truly
compensate for the cost of ministry, other than the blessings it bestows on the people I work with.
I want to make this very clear, this is not a fee for services rendered. This may sound like a
fine point, but this is very important. Above all else, this is the ministry that Christ gave to
me at my ordination, and so it is not, nor will it ever be a business.
6. What if this is more than I can afford?
Since this is a ministry, and we are discussing a tragic loss of a loved one, as well as the
funeral liturgy that will be offered for them, no person or family should ever feel that they
cannot call me simply because of the cost. If the offering listed above is beyond your means
please let me know, we’ll work something out. I will never turn you away because you
cannot afford the 'customary' offering.
What is most important to me is that you have God’s blessing at this difficult time in your life
and that you feel His love and peace in your hearts.
7. When do we pay you?
Unless we agree to another arrangement, the balance is due before the beginning
of the funeral liturgy.
8. Optional Gatherings and Services.
What is a committal service?
A committal service commends the body of the deceased to the gravesite, crypt
or columbarium niche, the ceremony may include prayer, poems or other special
readings that may be said at the grave at the conclusion of the funeral.
What is a graveside service?
A graveside service is a service held at the site of burial. In most cases,
the casket or urn is present. Friends and family gather for the service, a
eulogy may be delivered and the service is concluded with a committal.
What is a memorial service?
A memorial service is a service where there are no casketed remains, but in
some cases an urn may be present. Memorial services are usually held in the
funeral home or a sacred space (within the context of a Mass optional),
but can also be arranged at a location meaningful to the family, a home of
family member, a park, or at a place that meant something special for the deceased.
Is cremation an option for Catholics?
The Church permits funerals in the United States to have Masses with
cremated remains present in a "worthy vessel" placed on a table and must be
covered with a pall. Words said in a blessing or dismissal are changed from
"body" to "earthly remains."
For a Catholic funeral, does the body go to the church first?
The church prefers "that the body of the deceased be present for the funeral rites."
It stresses that the cremated remains are to be treated with respect and should be
either entombed or buried in a grave. We believe that scattering at sea,
from air or ground, or kept at home are not reverent disposition options.
It is in the Catholic tradition to have bodies buried in consecrated grounds.
9. Where’s Christ in all of this?
The Gospels testify that Jesus is the Way, the Truth, and the Life; and no one comes to the
Father except through Him. Our Lord proved through His Resurrection that death has no
more power, and that all who come to Him have life everlasting! Jesus did not come to save
the perfect, but to save sinners. Christ is our hope, the hope of the imperfect, for a life of
peace and joy without end.
Catholicism is larger than the institution that has evolved around it. Catholicism is more than its
corporate structure. It's more than the bishops – though we ought to respect them. It is more
than the Pope, though he has claim on our loving attention. It is more than the Vatican.
Popes, bishops, and priests may be the ones with legal title to the buildings, but they
are just people. They can be woefully mistaken, or even malfeasant, as just a glance at
recent headlines reminds us.
We are the Church -- you and I – we are the People of God. The Church is the Spirit of Christ
within the community of believers who support and nurture one another through prayer, the
sacraments, and charitable words and deeds. We seek to promote the growth of all people
in holiness of life. It is our journey together – and on that journey each one of us has the right
to feel welcomed at the Lord’s Table, where we recognize Him in the breaking of bread.
Each person has a right to receive God’s blessing in great moments of happiness and sadness –
at the loss of our loved ones, and at the hour of death.
Everyone has a right to receive help on the journey from those called to be helpers
and guides in the way of the Gospel. Isn't that what the priesthood is all about,
being a wise and helpful guide on the journey of the soul to God?
When the hierarchy loses its way – as it has from time to time throughout history – it is incumbent
on the rest of us to claim our rights and assume our responsibility as members of the Body of Christ.
If you are alienated from the institutional church, you need not be alienated from your Catholicism.
Our Lady of Mercy Pastoral Center and The American Catholic Church in the United States,
welcomes you in His name, the one who has never ceased loving you – not even
during the times when you felt farthest from Him.
Our Lady of Mercy Pastoral Center
Peace of Christ be with you always,
Fr. Frank J. O’Connell, Pastor
[email protected]